Why i wanna wife

1. I believe that the thesis is implied, and that it is "I want a wife who will do everything."

2. By repeatedly stating "I want a wife" the author is showing to the reader the vast multitude of things that wives do.

3. The author means wife not as "A female who is married" but as "A person who makes sacrefices for my convenience." If she does get a "wife," he will obviously be male.

4. The author is suing satire to show how much stuff wives do and how no person like what most husbands expect can really exist.

5. The author defines "wife" in the many acts that she sarcastically expects wives to do. She wants her readers to be outraged at how everything that is expected of wives by society.

Ima work on the following later:

6. To Brady:
    I want a wife too.

7. I want a dog who will hug me everytime I get home. I want a dog who will not complain when I forget to feed it and just take the hunger like a man. I want a dog who will never get dirty and wash itself every night. I want a dog who his toilet-trained.I want a dog who will mow my lawn for me. I want a dog who will work as a newspaper delivery dog to get money to pay for its own food. My god, who wouldn't want a dog?

Thanksgivinnnnn

This Thanksgiving, I went to Dayton to be with my family. My brother didn't come to my grandma's for Thanksgiving becuase his wife controls everything he does and she wouldn't allow him to see the family. She's crazy, and I'm not thankful for her. Being with my family this week made me realize how greatful I am for all of them. It also made me realize how thankful I am for the Bernard's. They welcome me with open arms into their home and I appreciate that more than I could ever explain. On Thanksgiving day we woke up just like any other Thanksgiving, and began finishing the pies and potatoes and stuffing. By the time they were finished and ready to go, everyone had showered and gotten into their Thanksgivinnnn's best and ready to head to my jew-ma's. We all were just chillinn watching football and eating the appetizers as we waited for my aunt Becky and uncle Bucky to get there with their kids because, as always, they were late. Once they finally got there we were all starving and ready to bite eachother's heads off. We ate and all hung out and enjoyed eachother's company. Then it was "ad time". We all pulled out different newspaper ads and we would circle the items we wanted jew-ma to get us. After ad-time, we did Christmas "secret" santa drawing. Except it wasn't really a secret for me. Every year my cousin Amanda and I rig the drawing so we choose eachother. She's 20 and we're really close so I trust her the most to get me something I'd like. So when it was time to write all the names and put them in the hat, i volunteered to do that just like every year. I wrote all the names and Amanda folded each name, but gave a special folding technique to both of our names so we drew eachother. Thanksgivinnnnn was a good one.

Halloween story

One dark and bloody night, there was a super-speedy black kid named Nana who got scurred.  Nana thought it'd be a good idea to go to the creepy corn maze on halloween night. He wanted to prove to his friends that he wasn't the stereotypical black kid and he liked scary stuff. He was walking through this corn maze when a vampire jumped out at him and spooked him to pieces! Then a ghost named Casper started to haunt him! Nana was no longer the tough football player/track superstar. His swag was gone! Nana looked at his clock and realized he was late for his football game! It was the final game for his high school career and against the rival, how could he possibly let these silly ghouls scare him away from his night of victory?! The witches tried to cast a spell on him to keep him in the maze, but he was holding his super powerful gourd and pumpkin to protect him from any witchcraft or wizardry. After that, Nana used his super speed to get out of there and race to the game where he made it just in time to win the game for the team!  His swag was still there!

excercises from reading

The term carnivores has been around since the dark ages. They are typically seen as mean animals. However sometimes people are even carnivores. On the contrary, not all people are carnivores, some are vegetarians. For the truth is that not all carnivores are mean, inhumane animals.

You Are Being Followed..

The big, creepy asian man from the coffee shop was following me again. It was the second time in less than a week. I had no idea what he wanted, but I sure wasn't ready to find out. He walked into the shop seconds after me, and when i sat down after I ordered, he sat down at the table next to me. He didn't order anything, which I thought was weird. "Maybe he's just waiting on someone" I thought. I went on reading the paper and drinking my latte. When I was ready to leave, I realized he was still sitting at the table next to mine, staring in my direction. At this point, I was pretty freaked out. I left in a hurry hoping to leave him in the dust. When I got to my car, I noticed he was standing on the outside of the passenger side. I jumped in my car and drove away as fast as I could. Two days later I was walking through a dark alley, the creepy guy was behind me again. His name was Brian, i read his name tag. He continued to follow me until I turned around and shanked him. I ran away and that was the end of that.

Stairs

I used to sit on pillows or blankets at the top of the stair case and wait for my courage to build up. When I was finally ready to go, I'd push off the wall and slide down the stairs as fast as I could go. My brother would go on the ride with me sometimes, until he got too old to have fun. That is one of the most memorable childhood memories for me. I used to do it daily. I never hurt myself too bad; just a banged elbow or two and some carpet burn. I had some of the best times as a child. I never had to worry about the things I worry about now like family problems or my future after high school. Those things were so far off in a distance I thought those times would never come, but they did. And it was a lot sooner than I would have hoped.

Chairs

My brother and I were constantly fighting over who got to sit in the big comfy love seat. One time after a big Thanksgiving dinner, i got there first. My brother was not happy with me getting the chair. He came over to the chair and we began wrestling. Though i was only 7 and he was 17, it was always a good fight. He was so skinny so I could easily take him. When he finally pinned me down between his leg and the automan, i gave up the fight. I wasso out of breath and I had to pee. So by the time I would finally get in the chair, I would have to get up and go to the bathroom anyway. Instead I said "okay, you can have it" and i walked away. When I came back, I waited for him to get up and as soon as he did, I pounced on the chair. There was so no way he was going to get it back now.